I have always been concerned about dying. Four times I’ve come so close to facing my own death.
I was taught to be a good person and follow the rules. I feared that at the last minute I might still have some unforgiven sin attached to my soul. This meant missing heaven for sure! These concerns were a strong undercurrent throughout my youth.
As an adult, I tried to create a home life that was “just right” but I couldn’t make it all work. The people closest to me, my husband and children, were the ones who experienced my frustration and anger. Life seemed out of control!
Desperate for solutions I found a women’s Bible study. I began reading the Bible for the first time. I learned that God could change me. According to the Bible, my sins were placed upon Jesus when He died on the cross. Furthermore, He was offering me a free gift of eternal life in heaven with Him forever. I just needed to received what He had done for me. The best part was that I only had to believe! That meant I could stop trying to do enough good things to fix myself…to be good enough for God.
I went home that night, got down on my knees, confessed my sins and asked Jesus to come into my heart and life. I than gave all my circumstances to Jesus and asked Him to solve them in His most perfect way.
The problems at home did not change. In fact, matters seemed to get worse. My marriage was difficult and I felt overwhelmed with parenting issues. My life felt out of control, and at times I had a hard time studying God’s word, but I did pray and ask God to help me with my situation each day.
Then ovarian cancer was discovered in my body and death seemed certain. The aggressive treatments worked, but ten years later I experienced breast cancer. Again aggressive treatment pushed the cancer into remission. The following year I suffered a complete heart block and for the third time, death came close.
Now, ten years later cancer has resurfaced in my bones and tissues. I have returned to treatments and with God’s healing hands I am improving.
I have tried to solve my own problems over and over again, resulting in anxiety and discouragement. Even during those times Jesus has been teaching me to depend on Him. Each time I return to His word for comfort, hope and healing. As I draw close to Him, He draws close to me and the lonely discouragement decreases as I depend on Him.
Through each trial I am experiencing a peace only Jesus can give me, and I know that I am assured of eternal life. Heaven is my next home and my name is already on the door.
The fear of death no longer has a hold on me, and each day I live trusting in Jesus.